Thursday, December 10, 2009

O' Christmas Tree....







So all growing up we would go to tree lot, after tree lot, after tree lot. So as I have grown up I totally thought it just always had to be like that. However, every year we go we go to less and less lots before finding the perfect tree. In fact this year we went to one...And not only that but we only went down one aisle before finding it. We walked down the others just to make us not feel ripped off of that fun Christmas tree scouting experience. My conclusion is not that I am less picky than my mother, or that the tree lots only get good trees...My conclusion is this: No one buys real tree's anymore. And to that I say you are missing out...For sure.
For instance here are the top 10 things you have missed that we have not:
#1. The last two years I have had a spider egg in the tree and lots of little baby spiders bless our house within a couple of weeks. And they bring lots of decoration (spider webs) so pretty, so shiny, and my favorite part is they are thrown in free!
#2. Getting sap all over your hands from putting the lights on the tree, and don't forget you get to take them off at the end of the holiday celebration. FUN!!!
#3. Maneuvering under the branches to pour water into the little hole available in the stand only to realize you spilled most of it on the floor, and all just to make sure it dies slower than it already is.
#4. Already mentioned in the above paragraph, but...the family hunt for the perfect Christmas Tree. The freezing night, the fires in the garbage cans, the reindeer at the christmas lot, the nice guys who cut the bottom off, and charge you $ for a tree they cut down for free. (jk)
#5. The Christmas tree smell in your house that 1st day when you bring it home.
#6. Strapping it to the top of your car to bring it home, and praying that the ropes don't break and it goes crashing into the car behind you. (So it makes you have to be spiritual at this time of year since there aren't many other reasons)
#7. Finding a way to make it straight, and position the uneven spots so they are not visible to everyone right away.
#8. Having people ask you if it's real, touch it when you answer yes, and look at you like you are a tree murderer.
#9. Vacuuming up pine needles all month long.
#10. And the most important thing you miss out on is....Being able to say its real..When was anything better fake? Fake diamonds, no thanks...Fake snow, not a chance....Fake people, no way...Fake fireplaces, no need...Fake wood flooring, everyone knows its not wood...Fake boobs...Ok so you got me there, but a fake christmas tree? No one wants a perfect, pre-lit, easy to put together tree you don't have to water. It's just not right!!!
So next year when you pull your fake tree out of storage, and you have it up before Thanksgiving because you can. Think of my family and all we get to experience that you don't, and then pat yourself on the back because for heaven sakes..It's a lot easier, and you just saved another tree's life.

12 comments:

Andrea said...

Whit, I'm so with you on the real tree. I don't think we'll ever own a fake tree cause, come on, your list said it all. You forgot the biggie on our list though...Don't have to store a fake tree all year long and only use it one month out of the year. Who has room for that???

Angie Birkeland said...

for crying out loud. We need to chat. Where the hell are you? I would love to catch up.

About the tree thing....I am a "real" tree gal. But, this year it wasn't in the budget so we borrowed my mom's fake one. bummer!

Give us a freaking call. I am going to try the # I have for you.

Anna said...

Oh man, this post was so great. You are so dang funny. We just got our real one with the great tree smell but hopefully not the spider nest.

Wanna be farm girl said...

hhhhmmmmm...wellllllll obviously you wont be coming over to my pre lit up before thanksgiving fake tree house to visit......or to smell my pine tree smelling candle.....or taste any of my fake chestnuts roasting over an open fire because they were done in the oven....too bad for you...I'll miss you!

oh yeah...i hear goo be gone will take the sap outta your carpet where it dripped when you were carrying it in! ;-pppp

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

Oh, Whit, thank you for continually making me laugh! I LOVE YOU! And I'm right there with you on this!

Dad Despain said...

You talk about having to go out freezing to lot after lot for a Christmas tree. So true. I'd say: "this one is perfect!” “It’s too tall,” she’d say. “It’s only 10 feet,” I’d say. The ceiling is only 8 feet,” she’d say. “I have a saw, let’s load it” Nope, on to another lot. “Ok, in the car kids”, “Whittney where did you find that candy cane?” “Don’t put it in your mouth it’s got pine needles stuck to it”. Too late. Next lot the second tree I saw was perfect. “Nope, it’s not full enough”. “Oh well this one next to it is much fuller, just perfect”. “No, too full”. Next lot, and so on. You remember it right, yup that’s the way it was… fun, fun, fun. But you did remember it. And you did get the free candy cane you found on the ground. And cutting it out of your hair really wasn’t that hard.

Then home. Let it sit on the stand in the garage first so it will “settle”. Got to find the stand, can’t find the stand, back to the lot to buy another stand. Had to do that every year as strange as that may sound. The stands disappeared. When we moved out of the house we found a dozen stands under the stairs that weren’t there before. This is a strange phenomenon I have never solved. Pull the tree in the house. Vacuum for an hour where it was drug in through the door. Put in on the stand, it’s crooked; the hole drilled in the tree trunk is crooked. The “perfect” stand isn’t. Get the phone book to straighten the tree. Need more books, it’s still crooked. 10 books later we call a truce. Water the tree and all the books are soaked and ruined but there’s no water in the stand. Put on the lights and find out they do all go out and they don’t stay lit when one goes out. Feeling kind of ripped off about now. Then we find ornaments all over the house but nobody knows how it’s happening. All that’s hanging on the tree is those curly wire deals that used to hold ornaments. Whit has some ornaments in her bed but she doesn’t know how they got there. Weird.

But I remember the smell, and I remember the smiles. And I remember the giggles under it on Christmas morning. I agree with you, there’s nothing like a real tree.

The Baker Family said...

lol, you are too funny!!! And the charlie brown theme song playing in the background makes me laugh even harder!!! :D

Anonymous said...

Angie Birkeland offended me with her language. Real trees hurt the environment. Nuff said.

Anonymous said...

PS You can have my fake tree next year. You know you will take it and the post next year will be titled "Why on Earth would ANYONE get a real tree?"

Your welcome.

Our Little Family said...

Love what your dad said... Our mom's must have grown up that way... cause our family was doing the exact same thing!! How did we not run into each other?? It was like a huge fight in our house trying to drill the dang hole in the tree and get it straight. When we were old enough to water the tree we'd get in trouble for getting the carpet all soaking wet. Real tree's are a fond memory! But oh, how I love my fakie! And my fake diamond, and someday my fake boobs! LOL love ya Whitt!!

Tammi said...

Holy crap! Spiders AGAIN?!! How are you so lucky? We never got any of those with our tree...cheap CA trees. So, you've been a bit busy, girl! Congrats on your 10 year! You guys are even CUTER than you were at your ripe old age of...16 (?) was it? Glad you got to get away. Anytime you want to "get away" to SD, we got a room with your name on it--I'll even make Madie sleep on the floor! Love you girl!